My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
