Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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