she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
