If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
