If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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