i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
