im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
