What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
