I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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