Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
