I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
