I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
