I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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