Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
