i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
