just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
