who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
