her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
