I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
