I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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