You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
