i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
