i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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