we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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