Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
