the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
