remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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