She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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