Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
