Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
