You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
