dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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