I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
