Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
