I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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