Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
