All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we made out on top of his cat.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
