bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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