I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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