the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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