Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
