I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
