I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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