I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i drank out of a bidet.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
