I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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