I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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