just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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