were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
high people should be assigned attendants
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
