well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
