This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
