new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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