I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
